On the eve of our last 1st Birthday

Today was very emotional for me! I can’t believe my beautiful baby girl is turning ONE! How did this happen? Where did the year go? I remember all the anxiety I had last year on the eve of my C-section. It was terrifying because my body was telling me at 38 weeks IT WAS DONE! The pain & EXTREME 24/7 headaches finally took its toll. And although I knew in my heart it was going to be okay & that I had the best team of doctors in my corner,  I was still so worried. After being a mom of a preemie & then a miscarriage, I just wanted to have a healthy baby in my arms, in my room, and in the van on the way home with me a few days later. Thank God I got all of those things & so much more in my sweet Madeline.

But seriously how can this be out last 1st Birthday as a family? No more monthly chalkboard? No more 1st year milestones? Don’t get me wrong we are happy & content being a family of four. And I didn’t really enjoy being pregnant since I was so terrified all the time. But still I miss it. Now I am exactly two months away from my hysterectomy so those days are truly over. I’m sure I’ll have more to share on that later because although I want to have it done to prolong my life with my family, it’s still such an emotional mental journey to face in my 30’s.

So now as I bake cupcakes with Molly, take her shopping for sissy’s gift, & look at my growing list of last minute party preparations, I stop to watch my sweet Madeline. She’s so advanced for a baby on the eve of her 1st birthday. She’s growing so fast. I know she’s ready for all the new adventures the next year has to offer, but is mommy? No I don’t think so!

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All through my both pregnancies I did weekly chalkboards and also one for every month & holiday for the girls. 

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Holding back tears that it will be a year until I create her another chalkboard! 

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